MCGUYVERISH

"Were suppose to be there at 9 you know that right?"

It was a question that wasn't a question
it was a statement, and how it lingered in the cold night air.

There we were, stuck on the 91 freeway.
Thanksgiving day was a festivity reserved for tomorrow and everybody this side of the Mississippi seemingly decided to take one freeway to get to a destination where warm turkey, gravy and corn bread stuffing awaited. It was 8:45 and we were but an hour away from our destination (provided I was flying down at an unflagging speed of 80 mph down the road). The clock was ticking and we were beyond Fucked. How shall I put it? We were Fucked...gloriously.

My best bud was booked to play as an opening DJ at a gig 45 miles too far away from where we are normally accustomed to. But a job is a job, and at the current rate recession is rearing its ugly head, who are we to turn down money... no matter how far away. So off to Temecula we go, to chase Green faced, Metallic smelling Benjamins, and stuff our pockets silly.

Traffic was at a stand-still. An embargo that has been imposed on us, to halt our trade and influx of said fortune that accompanies it. I was the driver, as always. Designated, sober, lead footed, responsible for transporting goods from point A to point B in a safe and timely manner. And I at the moment, stared at the flashing rear lights of the car in front of me, planning and calculating how to get out of this predicament we have found ourselves in.

Though like any challenge, there is always a solution. The end all be all that ultimately saves the day. And right there, as I sat frantically in the drivers seat, it dawned on me. To the far left of where we were, existed a toll road. Cars were flying down it in intermittent schedules.
It was void of traffic,
it was our path to glory,
it was our Deus Ex Machina.
But of course there was a twist, like anything in life. It always has to have a fucking twist

"Zoom - Zoom"

Like an automobile commercial, cars in the toll road whizzed by at a frantic video-gamish pace. While I was plotting thoughts of escape from this prison behind the wheel, my passengers were caught up in their own conversation, all down-trodden and increasingly worrisome.

"Man we are so fucking late"

"Im a man of my word you know, and I just hate it when I am late"

"Damnit, what am I going to tell this guy now"

We passed a California Highway Patrol car, fresh off of pulling somebody of the road for some unknown infraction which i'm SURE is well justified (haha oh common - its the CHP were talking about here). Ignoring the scene unfolding all around me, I silently switched lanes, as close to the Toll Road as possible, without saying a word to any of the human cargo aboard. (I really had no idea why, Ive always tried to play it safe when I am in charge with a group of people. Yet tonight, somehow my intrepidity is bubbling right off the top of my psyche. Little did I know what will unfold tonight.)

This was where my helplessness settled in. Our path to freedom was right beside me, as lucid as daylight, but this was where the twist has materialized itself. In the form of uniformly placed yellow cones, blocking, deterring any "Jumpers" from stepping out of line and dangerously crossing over.

Danger.

I have been known to be a habitual line-stepper, always pushing the envelope, to see how far cleverness will take me before I get into trouble, so naturally I could not help but laugh at these cones and the seeming illusion of order that they represent to me. Who knows what I'm going to do. I may just have to my revisit old habits - or just follow the rules and do as I am told just like the rest of you.

Before I could make up my mind, I heard chatter...

"Damn look at how long this traffic is, and look at the toll road"

Increasingly daring...

"One of my friends jumps these things every time, but it fucked up his car when he hit one of the cones."

Increasingly hopeful...

"Oh man, if we can only jump those cones - we would be saved"

Hope is a funny emotion isn't it? It has the ability to both enrich our lives as well as endanger it. But hope is just an emotion. It is but a feeling that may will us forward to action, an impetus to greatness...

Action is what is more important...

So without saying a word,
my eyes shifting every millisecond from rear-view to side-view mirror,
my arms on the 1 and 5 o' clock respectively
and my foot, my right foot, twitchy with adrenaline
My heart ready to burst forth from my chest
And a seeming gap in the uniformed cones from a previous jumper who dared risk bodily injury and automobile deformity to saving time opening up right before me...

I stepped on the gas pedal...

"Shut up heart, Shut up mind" I told myself.
Instinct has taken over. As it should.

In unison they gave me an encore. They gave me an exhilarating "WHOOOO...OMG's...I cant believe you did that.... How did you do that without hitting the cones....You are the fucking Man Christian!.....We are Saved!"

Fuck yeah we are saved
Put that one down for the record books.




But wait.... it seems as if you were expecting a moral lesson? A punch line? Something cooler than what I have built it up to be?

I have only one thing to say in the form of 2 words
"Fuck that"
- I felt cool, I felt awesome.
I felt McGuyverish.
And at that moment - that is all that mattered.

For me, its always the small personal victories that count more than the great big ones.
For the big ones come but once in a blue moon, and if all i do is wait for that moment.
I will not be able to enjoy life, and the tiny triumphs that it may bring.

Let that be your lesson.

-chrissanjose