"Just finish this"
I tell myself - over and over again. Like a Mantra - a self reassurance program I have dutifully put myself into.Angst arising.
That is how I feel, welling up, brimming up over the edge, like bubbling lava as an indicator to an impending indecent incident.
"Fuck you guys, after all this"
Thats another one of my Mantra's. It may seem that I have one too many but its more like an anti-thesis to the hopeful words i uttered just moments ago.The negative to my positive. My anti-hero.
So yes just finish this i say to myself, so I can say fuck you guys after all this.
After all, at a time where everyone is letting me down, and giving me a cold shoulder, there is no one else but me whom I can truly rely on.
... and if I dont finish this, then I did indeed let myself down. I have no one else to turn to, not even my own.
So I work at it, Blood and sweat, sleepless nights, bunched up nerves from the self imposed stress, coupled with everybody's lofty expectations and the little thought that I know I wont get shit for what I am currently laboring for. Whether it be of monetary value or a pat in the back.
You guys can hug all the glory and the money, the spoils of the ravaging. I will grudgingly toil in my own personal victories.
For in the end who else do I have, but my own...
"Just finish this, Fuck you guys after all this..."
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